What Does Will Power Even Matter These Days?
And a Harbour Island recommendation or two
Less baring of the soul this edition, and perhaps just plain old bare minimum.
I come to you one week post-Bahamian mini holiday, and can we agree that, aside from corporate greed and developers, all good things are ruined by maxi dress-wearing women? I do not stake any claim over Harbour Island, but I did grow up going - long before the era of Instagram, TikTok, or even smart phones. The halcyon days of my teenage trips to the island were marked by debaucherous evenings at one of two gritty bars; a goombay smash is made all the sweeter by the illicitness of its consumption by underage lips.
With each subsequent trip and growing fanfare, the island feels more and more like a social media backdrop: sparklier, more curated, and overrun with women parading around in long dresses documented by their milquetoast husbands. I am authorized to make this assessment as a native of a city annihilated by the same irritants.
The beach was dotted with middle-aged women setting up tripods, and chaises encircling an empty pool were occupied by people of all ages glued to their phones. It’s better [for scrolling] in the Bahamas, the t-shirts should read. I cannot imagine that the mighty powers that be do not regret putting us on this earth, where we cannot resist the allurement of our tiny computers, even in paradise
It raises the question: what does will power even matter these days? In today’s world, where Ozempic and other quick fixes are readily accessible, it seems like willpower is slowly becoming a thing of the past. We are bombarded daily with marketing emails and manipulative captions, all of which reinforce the idea that we deserve to buy something, indulge, and consume endlessly and impulsively. Saying no feels harder than ever. Willpower, once revered, has become a judgmental tool used to label people as weak-willed for enjoying too much food, drink, or pleasure. (And yet we scarcely shame people for over-consuming content! Throw stones at them, I say!) The “snap out of it days” are days of yore, and now substances like weight loss drugs and nicotine promise to take care of that for us, replacing willpower entirely. What is the role of will power as we trade self-discipline for external solutions?
I recall dropping my infant daughter at her church preschool, and one of the other mothers said she was encouraging her son to “have agency.” I looked down at those immobile slugs lain upon the blue floor mats, drooling under the careful watch of Jesus cutouts and thought to myself: “that is some lofty nonsense.” I got in my car and called my husband in hysterics. It has taken me years - six to be exact - to realize we all have our own hopeful delusions for our children. As a parent, the skills I have most tried to hammer into my daughter are self-regulation and delayed gratification. Does she possess them? I don’t know, but here’s hoping she’ll walk on the beach instead of scroll on it.
In any case, you can find thousands of comprehensive Harbour Island guides online so no need for me to pile on. (Hot take: all of the accommodations are equal parts charming and underwhelming.) You will not catch me at long, upscale lunches and dinners, as my hours of childless repose are numbered and I will milk them in the sand. These are my ever so slightly under the radar must-go spots:
Arthur’s Bakery for an easy breakfast. (The coffee is not as good as Cocoa, but the service and prices are lightyears better.)
The Sweet Spot Cafe for lunch, an afternoon sorbet, or a juice.
Queen Conch for very casual, walk-in conch ceviche and conch fritters overlooking the harbor.
Dake’s Shoppe and Shine are the only shops worth visiting in town IMO.
A&A Hidden Treasures for personalized island surcees.
WATCHING
We, the last remaining consumers of cable television, finally cut the cord, and now I am wondering what the hell all you streaming conformists are watching. I am in a committed relationship with nothing. To soothe the break-up blues, we devoured United States of Tara (Apple TV), the late aughts drama-comedy featuring peak Toni Collette as Tara, a woman with dissociative identity disorder juggling a vast array of mischievous personalities and a dysfunctional family (including Brie Larson and John Corbett). With only three seasons, the commitment level is low.
To fill the media void, we have been mainstays at the local movie theater. I was really taken by A Complete Unknown, which comes as an utter shock as I loathe Bob Dylan and his whiny tunes. Monica Barbarbo is a showstopper and an absolute delight as Joan Baez. Paddington in Peru is just as charming as its prequels and the only tolerable children’s movie in theaters at present. After much ado, A Real Pain lacked the quirky humor that infuses the promotional interviews with Jesse Eisenberg and Keiran Culkin that have flooded my social media, but it’s short and sweet and free on Hulu!
READING
Let the records show that I only own the about to be mentioned book because in a moment of thrift, I enrolled in Book of the Month to get a deal on Intermezzo. As such, I had to select an additional book from their monthly options and… waste not, want not: I read it. I don’t like fluff and I don’t do smut, but I did read the entire book in two days. If you are not me, you may enjoy P.S. I Hate You.
Shameless plug: I was featured last week in Fenimore Lane’s Talk Shop series, if you are interested. No doubt, your biggest takeaway will be that I am grossly overdue for a new headshot.
EATING
Maturing is realizing tuna salad and cottage cheese are not only good for you but veritably good. I have been in a breakfast hyper-fixation for months and there is no end in sight. Every morning begins with one Sola bagel (blueberry) toasted with a serving of cottage cheese (Nancy’s > Good Culture) piled on top and drizzled with honey. It’s a 28 gram protein chokehold.
SHOPPING
On the topic of willpower or lack thereof, I emerged from no-spend January wary of over-consumption, a quality I objectively lack yet obsessively contemplate. I am far from miserly and have a closet full of thoughtfully acquired things (and nice things at that!). I recently beamed when my husband, who had returned from dinner with a friend bemoaning his wife’s spending, prided my practicality. But alas! Common sense be damned. Practicality is so last month. Husband properly bamboozled, I have since scooped up a saucy chartreuse dress for a wedding later this year (it keeps getting restocked), a cow print belt, a black wool-satin coat on major sale, and a yellow raincoat (stay on the UK website!), which I deemed worthy of acquiring a UK address for package forwarding. (Also a terrific workaround to get Edward Bulmer paint decks.)
I soon return to New York City for a quick moment to fulfill a longtime goal of seeing Swan Lake, as the kids say, “IRL” — if there’s anything new since December I should be looking out for, let me know.
That is all I have. Thanks, as ever, for being here. It means the world.
Very wise words from such a young lady. Totally agree on all regarding Briland. Love Sweet Spot.
Currently looking for the willpower to improve my backhand!